Be a Linux supervillan!

A rucruiter sent me this flash movie spoofing the new line of Apple ads. Give it a click, im sure you'll like it. LinuxSuperVillan

Jason Alexander and his old MCDonalds ad.

Ran over to theFinePrint again and pulled in a load of goodies. The first of which is so bad, it has to be watched twice to get its full merit. Jason Alexander..... you are a bad person.


(notice how he does his little sinfield lipsmack pause when he says "it could be the best burger (smack) ever". eeeeww.)

Santa has been naughty.

Does christmas have you down and out? Can't wait till its over? Well neither can these kids. Enjoy this Link. Its filled with spoiled and frightened little kids like the one above, who cant wait to get away from dear old Saint Nick. (found this site on boingboing.net)

Half life 2 crack scare, LOOK AWAY!

Tim was looking around on the internet for a half life 2 crack and found something terrible. Hunting for game cracks isn't without its hazzards it would seem. I shudder to say it: ENJOY! and a merry Christmas.

"Working half-life 2 crack (22019 hits at time of post)"

Link to original post HERE

Commercial Site Done. Go buy stuff.

Well, i finished Tacknique.com. Feel free to check it out if your in the market for some english/drassage training aids or gifts. Its just the bomb-digity folks!

Poker bot and the joys of unemployment

We all have a whole slew of things that we mean to do. Sometimes we can get so energetic about these things only to forget we ever meant to do it. C'mon, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm sure everyone gets a wild hair and decides to write a blog, grow a pedephile mustache, make a funny t-shirt, sell vintage clothes on ebay, design an ecommerce web site, or expand their knowledge by reading something you normaly wouldn't outside a classroom. I believe the reason most of us don't, right a song, draw more, learn to cook a good dish, or exersize more regularly is as much a function of time as it is lazyness.

It's ironic that the one thing no one, not even the richest man in the world has enough of, time, is the same thing our bodies clearly tell us to waste with lazyness. Push the snooze, watch TV and eat dorritos, drive, don't walk. It's no happenstance that nearly every form of entertainment provides a seat, and most require it.

Lucky for me i have had only lazyness to battle with the last couple weeks becuase I am jobless, and blistfully so. I have had the time to do many things that I always wanted to do (listed in part above) but didn't have the time. The newest of these tasks is building a poker bot.

POKER BOT>
I have grand aspirations for this most patient poker player to fill my bank account with cash while I sleep. Online poker bots have two advantages over a human player.

Firstly computers do not have the luxury of boredom and hence to not fatique and start playing sloppy. Secondly, a well writen poker bot will always make the statistically correct choice.

The disadvantage of a poker bot is that without alot of work it is hard to get a sense of how a perticular player plays. This is only a minimal setback since many of the "tells" in traditional poker are invisible to the online player, and people who generally play bad hands still get lucky.

As I am typing right now I have programmed a sophisticated script to mine the cards off my online poker screen into a card file. When I wake up I hope to have all 52 cards at my disposal.

The cards I am mining are composed of two parts: The image for my cataloging purposes, and the checksum stored as the filename of the image. The checksum is taken from a sliver of the small identifier strip in the top left had of every card which displays the suit and number. The checksum results in a unique number for every card, which I can use to identify the cards on the table. This is much faster and less prone to error then an image compare. I use only the small strip in the top of the card becuase it was taking 10 seconds per card to generate the checksum based on the entire card image, while taking a sliver of the identifier strip only takes .5 seconds per card. Thus a potential 70 second (10*7) second card glance was cut downt to 3.5 (7*.5) seconds.

I will train my bot to be conservative at first playing only the best hands, but I plan on making it configurable so you can change the tolerance based on a the statistical percentage of the hand. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

Until then, burgle burgle.

PS. the comment box is for you dillz to use. so use it.

Call for comic strip scripts!!

Steussy

Glen

Regarding the Altimont Estate post, Scott Steussy has the position that he has done enough art work and it is up to Glen to put the comics together. He suggested that we send Glen some scripts. Please use the comment system below to submit a script or idea. If you are submitting a full script please denote the frames. I will post what I think are some of the best ideas in the space below.

Nicki McRoberts Picture and the curious bulge.

(Big Fat Bitch)

Picture of Nicki McRoberts
(Picture of Nicky McRoberts I dug long and hard for this one)

Here is a post I recieved about a month ago that I thought was pretty choice:

"I just read scottos smart remark about Nicki McRoberts & i was furious what right has he to say such horrible things about poor Nicki,its her own buisness what she does.All i can say is that scotto is an asshole bigtime & the shit should be kicked outa him big time,Just leave Nicki alone!!- Posted by Anonymous to MediaNoose.com at 10/16/2004 03:04:54 PM"

Nicki McRoberts. Why do we love to hate her? She’s getting fatter by the minute as we all laugh in shock, shame and disgust. Personally I think her crusade to liberate fatties is nothing more then an excuse to imbibe everything in sight in order to reward her total lack of self control. Scotto gets raging mad whenever he sees white Trash. He also despises Red, Yellow, and Black trash for that matter. I prefer to mock and humiliate them, but Scotto would rather punch his way through the conversation, and I'm not talking about juice mix. So while you might think getting fat and prancing around in lingerie is great (and she does this) it makes the rest of us want to vomit. Thanks for the response and keep them coming!

For those of you who missed it, you can read the original post HERE

Altimont Estate. Comic book staring me?!?!

Nico

Timbo

Scott Stussy is supposedly working on a new comic strip staring his friends. I am so awesome that it was only a matter of time before I got written into a comic. With any luck I will be portrayed honestly: As the womanizing, rude, perverted buff stud that I am. This is your wake up call Scott. Make up some comics!!!

here is a link to IllWill, Scotts other comic, and a preview of Altimont Estate

Suggestions: Chris's name should be as it always has been, Gumby for his outrageously reacurring dance move he busts out everytime he can. And where is Adrians terrible unibrow. If your not gonna paint the truth, put down the brush.

Arnold finds a way to even out his arms.

The Trio over at the fine print made me laugh my balls of today. Which is ironic since the source of my delight was a 30 second clip of the governator equating pumping dumbells with bustin' a nut. Note: This clip is entirely worksafe provided you are wearing headphones
arnoldcoming.wmv

Tim's 20 questions attempt.

here is a copy of Tim's 20 questions attempt complete with comments and spelling mistakes. enjoy.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Tim-

this is what i got LOL! ;) i espickally like the part that says: can
you sit on it and do you clean it regularly.

Does your mother know what you are thinking about?
I am not allowed to talk about stuff like this, but,
I am guessing that it has something to do with sex?
Yes , No , Close

28. Can it be used for recreation? Yes.
27. Can you sit on it? Yes.
26. Is it soft? Yes.
25. Does it move? No. --> common, dilldo's move man, they move like crazy!
24. Would you use it in the dark? Yes.
23. Is it made of plastic? Yes.
22. Is it flexible? Yes.
21. Was it invented? Yes.
20. I guess it pleasure? No.
19. Do you clean it regularly? Yes.
18. Is it a common household object? No. --> I said problably,
common I bet like 60% of houses have dildos, i have one at (name omitted) house, you
have a double dong, I bet there are a shitload out there.
17. Is it usually colorful? No.
16. Do you use it in public? No.
15. Does it burn? No. halaroius
14. Do you use it at night? Yes.
13. Could it be found in a classroom? No.
12. Was it used over 100 years ago? Yes. --> I said no,
didn't think they had the capacity for dills then, i guess wood, but splinters? ewww
11. Can you find it in a church? No.
10. Does it contain a liquid? No.
9. Does it come in a pack? No.
8. Do you hold it when you use it? Yes.
7. Does it come in different colors? Yes.
6. Is it smaller than a loaf of bread? Yes.
5. Do most people use this daily? Yes. --> I said problably
4. Is it pleasurable? Yes.
3. Is it smooth? Yes.
2. Does it have a hard outer shell? No.
1. It is classified as Other.
------------------------------------------------------------
Not satisfied with Tim's questions? Go try it yourself!! Link to 20 questions post

Best shipping confirmation ever!!

Here is a shipping confirmation from a purchase order of one CD : (thanks bonnie!!)

"Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure it was in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Sunday, September 12th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as 'Customer of the Year'. We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you once again,
Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby the little CD store with the best new independent music phone: 1-800-448-6369 email: cdbaby@cdbaby.com http://www.cdbaby.com/ "

Make your own hoverboard

That's neat but where's the delorean?

Tim neuwerth and I were chatting about the feasibility of designing a gyro controlled lift pad prototype. Tim got excited about the math involved in choosing a fan based on the lift needed which he equated to roughly 1300 newtons, or 340 lbs of force. Anyways, to make a long story short, we found some guy who made a much simpler "hoverboard" using a 170 CFM fan and a ruberized skirt. Looks like it has pretty low performance but you gotta love the guy for spending a little of his free time designing something unique. Follow the link for a complete construction guide. Link

update: Here is another site dedicated to hoverboards including some dorky movies of people riding them. GO McFLY!!

Ps. Tim Johns, lets see you make one of these?!?!

Flaver Flav, Gary colman, and Lil Jon

I was poking around "The Fine Print" and there is some great stuff. Let me show you the highlights: (please feel free to leave a comment if you have a better caption.)


"Lil' john falls asleep kissing a vaccuum cleaner"



"clock necklace, the fashion statement that stands the test of time"

BlogNurfing

I get bored sometimes. And I mean REALLY bored. Sometimes I jump from blog to blog until I find something spectacularly good or dreadfully bad and give them my honest opinion. I call this BlogNurfing. Because I am not selfish I will share them with you. Just look at the comments on this post for a list of today's blogNurf.

Get "Iced out" at a fraction of the price!

HipHopJewels.com is your one stop shop for anybody who needs his bling lookin' good when his pocket book dosn't. There are pages and pages of faux diamond covered jewelry complete with the ballers who wear them. Be sure to check out the "Hoop Dreams" and "Ice Breakers" pages. Oh and defenitely check out the pendant spinners here. It special for the brotha' who got no wheels. blingbling2med.wmv

Scotto posted about a similar article devoted to Iced out customised Goblets.

Dress like an Atari for Halloween

I was poking around kimchijon again today to see what's new with jonny and he had this great idea for Halloween. I especially like the fallic additions of the two joysticks hanging off the belt! You'll have to visit the link below to understand what I'm talking about. Kudos Kimchijon(by the way Jonny, can you let me know what that name means??). Link

Play 20 questions with a computer

This is a fun game to play. All you have to do is think of something and the computer will ask you questions. Answer all of the questions honestly and you might be surprised at how quickly the neural-net algorithm finds the answer. Don't expect it to tell you anything nasty though, It gets shy when it thinks your a perv. If you don't have constant access to a computer (shame on you!) and want to enjoy this game anytime, you can pick up the portable version pictured above. Here is a link to the online version, enjoy! Link

Paper arcade! If you build it, I will come.

I "toyed" with a much naughtier title to this post but went with the work save version.

If you can't be like my friend Tim Neuwerth and build your own Mame system, be a nerd and make one of these. Paper arcade is a small paper build it yourself arcade which features such great classics as "Pac-Man", "Defender", and "Guantlet". So what are you waiting for. Hook up that printer and warm up your thumbs, its foldin' time! Link

Ken won't disapprove of such a detailed toy-sized arcade, but barbie will probably guilt him for months until he finally sells it all at a garage sale at bargain prices and is left with nothing to show for it but a memory and a shell of the man he once was.

Fish Bowl Sink or "Water those fish doing there?"

"Click for larger image"

Here's the perfect gift for that fish lover who has everything. It's a fish bowl-sink! This fish bowl is a solid glass water-tight enclosure with two holes for feeding and cleaning underneath the soap dishes pictured above. The image doesn't show it clearly, but there is a glass tube going through the middle of the tank where the water from the faucet drains. I would consider getting one if it cost considerably less then the almost $5,000 price tag. Link

Boyfriend pillow, the $77 alternative

If you yearn to be in the arms of a man without the discomfort of morning breath or ajar toilet seats, perhaps "Boyfriend Armpillow" is just the thing for you. Wildly popular in Japan, this man-pillow is a comforting bed-fellow alternative features such amenities as an alarm clock arm vibrator which "gently wakes" you from you slumber. No information is available yet as to what other uses this fully automated vibrating man-hand could be used for, but I'm sure you can come up with some. Link

Funny Foreign CD covers

I dont know where these cd covers came from, but I just about laughed my balls off surfing through them. Heres a link to the site.

Enka. Crazy Japanese drama music.

I was poking around "jonny Angel", an interesting site about a guy who used to live in Japan (im a little jealous). He seems to have some pretty interesting stuff to say. Among articles about cultural injustice and squid ink pizza (ooow) he introduced me to some interesting Japanese music. Listen to a clip here or read his article. Link

I wish I was Metronapping right now!

Metronap is a company that produces funny little napping stations for those mid-day naps. They have franchise locations where, for a small fee, you can take a nap at there store and have food waiting for you when you wake. Metronap targets corporate companies by using words like powernap to lull them into believing that their workers will be more productive with a mid day rest. Bogus or not, one look at these recliner-like pods is enough to make even the most battle-hardened CEO sleepy. Link

Jackie Chan wants to be a "Real Actor"

"Martial arts legend Jackie Chan claims Hollywood limits roles for Asians and says it's time he became a "real actor"(msn)

C'mon Jackie. Do you really have to play the race card? The reason that you are never chosen for anything other then a karate choppin' action movie isn't because you're Asian, its because you speak broken English and you stutter when you talk. Now this might not have stopped Jeff Goldblum, Giovanni Ribisi, or Christopher Walken, but lets face it, they are better actors then you. So if I were you I wouldn't ruffle too many feathers. You're a fun but entirely replaceable personality.

"Do we really want to see a sex scene with chan and someone like Julia Roberts... um that actually might be cool. -Scotto"

Google Recruiters are crazy!!

I heard about this from NoOneHereButMe. Apparently google decided to launch a geeky ad campaign targeted at number theorists. When you look at the solution, it really is pretty easy to solve. Just two problems involving primes. Give it a try and if you can't solve it here is the answers: Link

Industrial wall mounted potato cutter

Have you ever opened up your cupboard and seen three bags of potatoes lying on top of each other unused, and growing little stems everywhere? I sure have. If only I could find a convenient and fast way to use them. The biggest problem with potatoes is that they take forever to prepare. If you're a bachelor like me, anything more complicated then ramen is out of the question. That's why this little french fry slicer looks tempting to me. Potatoes are so cheap and french fries are so tasty. Just load a potato into the "Wall Mounted Potato Cutter" and squish it through the grate to make "the most desired size" of potato wedges. The only down side is that it costs $121.50 On Sale!! Link

Portland, the land of expensive housing??

Barry Sweet / AP file
"The Space needle or as I like to call it, the coffee cock, pierces this memorable skyline -nic"

Tim Neuwerth and I were browsing through the census a while ago looking for places to live since we just graduated from College at SOU. Since we both live in Medford, Oregon, we decided Portland was a good town since the tech sector was recovering from the 2000 stock market crash and the cost-of-living looked low compared to the job market. According to this report this isn't true. Link In fact Portland is number 4 on Forbes worst places to live, with Seattle being the first. Why is the world trying to keep us nerds down?

Is Quake4 gonna be just like doom3??

Looks like some new quake4 pics are out. Link They look very impressive. Unfortunately we can probably expect the same let down as Doom3. While I still have yet to enjoy Doom3 with a great surround sound system, my expectation of anything more then an audio tech demo are low. Id seems to be great at making impressive looking engines and uniformly poor at making them fun... at least after the wow-factor piddles off. Oh well, we still have many disappointments to come.. Half-Life2, Stalker, the list goes on and on. I still have my fingers crossed for Stalker.

Scientists fix vision with cheek tissue

It must be transplant week!! Here's another story from google news where scientists cultured cheek tissue to fix peoples vision. Personally I wouldn't go through that operation even if I was blind.. my girlfriend might slap me in the eyeball!! (thanks Tim!!)

man gets new jawbone grown on his own back!!

"Truly jaw-dropping news ...-Dave"

My good friend Tim Neuwerth sent me this link. It describes an article he read from googlenews one day where stem cells were used to build an entire jaw for a man who lost his to cancer. Reminds me of Dr. Monroe. What can't you do when unburdened by morality!!Link
Update: aperently the jaw was grown under his shoulderblade with a "titanium mold" that was used to form the bone(thanks Dave!)

A simple quote about life

Heres an interesting perspective on life and the preservation of your body. It was sent to me from my co-worker,Sheryl Perry. enjoy.

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly
used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO.....What a ride!"

Crazy rantings from an insane person

My brother who works at morcycleUSA sent me a link to this site. Its a bunch of ranting about frustrations with politics, goth, old people, and ska. take a look: Link

a different stance on abortion: I'm against abortion, but for killing babies

Ska is banned. Nobody listens to ska.

Paint Ball Mini Gun

My brother sent my this eBay auction of a paintball minigun that sold on eBay. This baby is pretty sweet. Me and a few friends of mine went paintballing once and I had a welt for almost a month. I can't imagine the rosebuds you'd have after wandering past the business end of this thing. Link

New t-shirt from medianoose.com

text reads: Leonard Nimoy is VULCAN awesome
click here for a larger image.

Check out our t-shirts at our online store. Link

New t-shirt from medianoose.com

Text reads: Bob Dylan is folkin' awesome
click HERE for a larger image

Check out our new t-shirt. It speaks the truth. Link

Real Ultimate Power!!! Ninjas Rule

My brother kellen showed me the site realultimatepower.com a year ago. It's a funny and farcical site about ninjas. Today when I was poking around Amazon I noticed that the author of the site, Robert Hamburger , has a book out with the same name: Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book. This book has quite possibly the best reviews to date. I don't know what's funnier, the outrageous claims by burger or the ninja fanatics heated responses. Check out the Amazon reviews here: Link

excerpt:

This is a picture of my best friend Mark showing off.
He's a lot older than
me and almost done with puberty,
which is bragable.

Rate my poo

I am almost hesitant to recommend this site... Almost. Ratemypoo.com does exactly what you would think it would, it rates images of feces submitted by visitors. While browsing through this 'shitty' site, I noticed three peculiarities about the images:

1) most of the pictures include the proud owner beaming a smile at the camera.
2) highest rated images usually involve some theme or photoshopping that sets their pile apart.
3) most of the people submitting these images appear to be under the age of 15.

This site is only about 2 minutes of fun, so enjoy it while it lasts. If you do submit an image to Ratemypoo.com, include it as a comment below so we can all have a good laugh at your expense.

Strippers, everything you wanted to know.

Ever wonder how much strippers really make, when they audition, and how much the clubs pay them? I sure did. Even if 10 dollars a lap-dance seems like a bargain, these girls can really rake it in. I was surprised to find out that some clubs take a 45% rake from each dancer a night, while others pay a minimum wage. Read about that and more in Fawnia's Stripper Success Secrets Part 1. Find out how to audition, what to wear, and what works. Or check out her video lessons to keep you fit and sexy, for him or her. As far as I can tell there isnt any nudity on this site.. just a great read. Check it out:
http://www.exoticdancelessons.com/

New model for image segmentation, motion tracking and more

This is a cool site I found that shows an algorithm that can segment, or cut out, an object in an image. If you've ever used photoshop you know this is a recurring and often time-consuming task. Not only can this algorithm "cut out" objects within pictures automatically, but it can also be used for motion tracking and more complex applications. I've included the webpage here, along with just a couple of the demo videos on the site which show how it works.
(some of the movies take I while to load)

Image segmentation

Motion tracking:

Statue molesters?

Have you ever seen a statue and think your really clever for taking a picture of yourself in an unscrupulous pose with it? Well it would seem you aren't as original as you might have thought. StatueMolesters.com has hundreds of pictures of people just as simple minded as you defiling statues from all across the globe. Not even Elvis is safe from the wandering hands of vacationers and thrill seekers. No, sadly it would seem that nothing is sacred.
heck it out here!